Prince Charming Is Coming...
He’s coming, but you need to play your part!
Single women aged 20-50 have the highest levels of debt and least amount of assets. Many still privately dream of the fairy-tale. All you need to do is meet a rich man, make sure you both fall in love, marry him and he’s going to rescue you and pay off all your debt for you.
I’m not bursting any bubbles here. I am in the business of love. Prince Charming IS coming however like attracts like. If you want a financially responsible man then you need to be financially responsible as well. Wealth by itself isn’t sufficient. Men who inherit money or win the lottery can squander it all easily. Entire fortunes can be lost forever within a few years of unregulated spending. Money managed with a financially disciplined mindset will grow the wealth so you will never need to worry about money. This is not to say that all wealthy men will be ungenerous, far from it! However they tend to know where every penny goes.
If you are heavily in debt or close to financial ruin then this will affect how you show up on dates. I’m not saying you need to have all your credit cards paid off before you can start dating. Instead, what you do need to do is have a plan in place of how you plan to turn it around, curb any bad habits with money and yes, a man may just carry you over the finish line to freedom from debt and wealth. You need to start this journey initially on your own though and that’s what I hope this blog will help you with.
Fairy Tale
I am in the business of love. Many women privately dream of the fairy tale, even though it could be very damaging for them to admit this out loud in certain circles.
If you’ve made mistakes with money in the past then don’t beat yourself up, just work to rectify them. I don’t judge you as I myself fell into that hole with ten credit cards and two personal loans. At one point I had debt that was double my annual income! I crawled out and so can you.
However if you’re just starting out, don’t make the same mistakes that I made. Be a good custodian of your money, regardless of how little (or how much) you feel you have.
Work out your fixed expenses (rent, utilities, transport costs, insurances, debt repayment etc..) and see if you can trim anything anywhere. I now only pay £8 (11 USD / 249 VND) per month for my mobile phone and get unlimited calls, texts and 2GB data. There might be all kinds of deals available for all of your expenses (and some you might be able to live without.) If you have debt then ring the creditor and ask if you can move to a cheaper interest rate. Again it is the type of phone call I hate to make but given that it can save you so much money, it is well worth doing.
Custodian of Money
No man wants his fortune squandered. The amount of money you have currently is irrelevant. How you manage it is important. If you only have £10 then what do you do with it? Do you spend it all immediately? Can you hold on to money?
As soon as you get paid transfer the money to a separate savings account. Do this BEFORE you pay any of your bills. In financial circles this is called ‘paying yourself first’ and it is the practise of the most wealthy people in the world. Pay yourself first (savings), then pay your fixed expenses. Always, always, always leave a little room in the budget for fun (slush) money.
If you try to do this type of plan with no room for fun money then just like an overly restrictive diet will lead to binge eating, an overly restrictive budget will lead to out of control binge spending! That was certainly my experience when I tried to do the Dave Ramsey plan for two years until I realised it wasn’t working for me and tried another way.
When I stopped following Dave Ramsey’s advice is when I got out of debt and started building wealth! Many people claim his plan works for them, but it was a disaster for me and so I actively discourage it. The single best book about money I have ever read is Dr April Lane Benson’s To Buy or Not To Buy.
Tips for the Single Woman
i) Pay yourself first. This paying yourself is a three pronged approach which includes setting money aside for an emergency fund, money for investments, money for saving up for something you desire.
ii) Secondly pay your bills (see what you can cancel or trim). Make the phone calls about lowering interest rates, cheaper deals on utilities and so forth. Trim, trim, trim until it can’t be trimmed any further. Get everything as cheaply as you can!
iii) Variable expenses. Generally food is the only essential item in this category although occasionally you might need to buy a new coat or pair of shoes. Believe it or not the key to wealth creation is oddly, meal planning. Most of us are ruled by our stomachs when hungry and budgeting can go out the window!
In my household we buy groceries twice a week, every 3 days. More traditional budget advice recommends budgeters to go once a week however fresh produce looks tired and less appetising by day 4 or 5, I find this is wasteful as we end up throwing this food out. Instead, we plan meals a week in advance, buy the ingredients for the meals, but only buy fruit and vegetables for 3 days, then return to buy more in another 3 days. That way the fruit and veg is always fresh, appetising and appealing. You need extra discipline for a twice weekly supermarket shop. Make a shopping list and don’t buy anything not on the list!
iv) Fourthly, always have money in the budget for fun, frivolous spending. Even when you are saving up for something aggressively or on a journey to being debt free. It could be a very small amount, but something, a treat to keep you going. At the moment I portion 5% of my monthly income to slush money, this may be too much for you, you will need to judge this yourself. Don’t forego it entirely though.
What has all this got to do with romance and meeting a wealthy man? A man who is totally in love with you WILL pay off your debt for you, look after you and ensure you don’t have to work. HOWEVER and this is the big caveat, he won’t do this if he thinks you will just run up another debt again. No man wants his fortune squandered. The amount of money you have currently is irrelevant. How you manage it is important. If you only have £10 then what do you do with it? Do you spend it all immediately? Can you hold on to money?
In my property business dealings I meet some extremely wealthy men and they know exactly where every single penny goes. Not that they aren’t generous or big spenders (they are) but they never wonder where their money went. All their fun money spending is planned in advance. All their emergency funds, investments and savings are properly accounted for, contributed to before anything else is considered.
Three Things that helped me become a better Custodian of Money
1. Delayed Gratification
i) Mastering the art of Delayed Gratification. You can have everything you want, just not all at the same time! I currently keep a list of my desires on my fridge and decide each month what I am going to treat myself to from the list. It is funny that with a few days, I find my desires change. Things that a few days ago I was dying to have lose their appeal for something else. By holding onto my money and delaying the purchase, I am not stuck with something I regret. Most items stay on the list for at least two months before I make the decision to buy them, so many things I have actively longed for and really truly want, rather than passing whims.
2. Wait 24 hours
ii) Waiting 24 hours before an impulse purchase. Making my delayed gratification list and keeping it on my fridge means I am much more focussed on what I actually want. Even big ticket items (I would like to go to Bora Bora for example) go on the list and seeing this every day prevents me from frittering away money on impulse purchases. Sure that product looks nice, but what I really want is to go to Bora Bora and I would rather put the money towards that! However if occasionally I do see something in a shop or a sales email that looks good, then I have my own rule to wait 24 hours (or at least sleep on it) regardless of their deadline. If their sales deadline comes to an end before my rule to sleep on it, then I just don’t buy it. More often than not these sales promotions come around again in a few months anyway. I have never seen any promotion that didn’t happen again at some point, so I never lose out by this rule of mine. In fact giving myself that distance allows myself to assess if I truly want it or if I’m just being taken in by expert marketing.
3. Decluttering
iii) Decluttering. Reading Marie Kondo’s book The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up really did change the way I perceive possessions. Now my husband and I are so much more mindful of new items coming into our home. This really has changed how I shop as now I always think about ‘where will I put something’. This is also a question Dr April Lane Benson asks shoppers to think about before making a purchase, where will you put it! I have decluttered so much already and it really made me think about all the money I spent on these items that just ended up getting decluttered. They had to go in order for my living space to be pleasant, but what a waste to have bought them in the first place. If I had put that money into a shares index fund instead then I’d be building my wealth. No point lamenting over the past, just makes me more mindful of purchases going forwards. Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference.
What are your thoughts? Are you a reformed spendaholic like me or have you been on your journey to wealth creation for some time now? What do you think of the narrative pushed towards single women, that either Prince Charming isn’t coming and you need to stand on your two feet or that you don’t need to do anything and just wait for your rescue? Please leave me a comment below.
If you’d like to discuss any aspect of levelling up or feminine energy with me then please schedule an appointment, subscribe to my newsletter and check out my book, Feminine Energy 101.