Night Owl married to an Early Bird
Today I want to talk with you about something I’ve never seen covered by any other relationship or dating coach. I’ve never seen topic discussed in the context of a romantic relationship, yet its something that impacts my married life daily. Yet no dating coaches or marriage books are talking about it!
What to do if you’re a night owl married to an early bird (or vice versa) ?
The thing is, during dating this most likely won’t affect you. You’re very unlikely to think about this at all. You’ll go on dates and even if you feel tired (I used to have a shot of espresso before to keep me awake) there’s usually enough stimulation on a date for both of you, having a nice dinner or cocktails, or doing something fun.
Day to day life is completely different. Imagine you need to discuss something important with your husband as you need his input and a joint decision, but he never has the clarity or focus to go over things with you as he seems to never be in the right place mentally to think about it.
What not to do:
The worst thing you can do is to force either the other person or yourself to change your natural schedules. All of us have naturally occurring diurnal rhythms (diurnal is the opposite of nocturnal, humans being awake in when there is sunlight means we are mostly diurnal creatures).
Circadian Rhythms
Forcing yourself or your spouse to go against your natural rhythms isn’t going to turn out well for either of you.
We all have a time when we are most productive, strongest, have the most mental clarity. One of my old housemates got her uni work done from 10pm until 2am. It was the time she was the most focussed and alive, she whizzed through her assignments in the quiet hours of the night! For me, as soon as I wake up at 5am for about 6 hours is my strongest time, when I have the most patience, most ability and concentration.
Productivity gurus urge you not to try and force yourself into a box… or “join the 5am club” if you’re a night owl. If you are better at night, then be like my housemate and do your assignments at night time. Do some investigative work to find your strong time, perhaps for you it’s the afternoon or early evening just before dinner. Find your strong time and make the most of it. Prioritise all the tasks you need to do for the time of the day (or night) when you are in your prime.
Don’t force yourself into a box
Find out when your strongest time is and then schedule tasks (that you can rearrange) for that time
Marriage
Double Strong Time
How does this apply to marriage? Well, you both need to know when your ‘prime time’ is. Then you need to figure out when the ‘cross over’ time is. This is what I like to call ‘Double Strong Time’ The time when you are both at your best. Ideally plan your dates and romantic activities to take place in ‘Double Strong Time’. I recommend that if you do go for marriage counselling that it is scheduled in Double Strong Time as well. If you aim to discuss difficult issues then give yourself the best fighting chance, schedule it for when you both have more reserves of patience and understanding. Not just the difficult things like family finances and chores, but timetable the fun things too for this time. How wonderful to spend time together, going on dates and doing romantic activities when you have the most energy and drive.
Are you currently living on different time zones in the same house like me? How are you managing it? Please leave me a comment below.
If you’d like to discuss any of this further, then schedule an appointment, sign up to my newsletter and check out my book, Feminine Energy 101.