Christian Dating & Vegan Dating
Dating when you have principles
Your blog is about dating! Why are you mixing it up with veganism?!
You’re too militant! Leave veganism for your personal life, this is your professional life!
People don’t want to hear about it!
You’re too preachy, be vegan in private!
Morals, Ethics
Since veganism is a moral and ethical code I choose to live by, the best analogy I can think of is to compare it to a Christian lady attempting to date. Many times Christian women get told to tone it down a bit as they are upsetting the secular, the atheists and those of a different religion.
In this blog I’m going to compare these two belief systems and give some tips about how you can be successful in dating without ever giving up your Christian lifestyle or your vegan values.
I may do another blog in the future regarding dating within Judaism, Islam, Sikhism, Hinduism, Buddhism and other religions, but for simplicity’s sake this blog is only going to cover veganism and Christianity.
I won’t cover it in this blog, but there is a growing Vegan Christian Community who manage to combine both love for Christ and compassion for all animals.
With Christianity, the believer is trying to save you. She is trying to prevent you from an eternity of damnation and hell. With veganism, the abstainer is trying to save others from you. She wants to prevent you from indirectly inflicting untold pain and cruelty on others. Nobody likes being told what to do, but at least with Christianity it is only you that is going to suffer if you make the ‘wrong’ choice. If you don’t repent and join their sect then it is your choice to make. It is your body and soul after all. With veganism your choices affect the bodies and souls of other living creatures.
This is partially why vegans have developed the reputation for being angry and militant, since the torture that animals endure is so abhorrent once one sees it, one can’t un-see it. They are the most vocal vegans, they are the ones most people picture in their mind. Since vegans are only 1% of the UK population and less in other places, you might not know any vegans in real life at all.
There are preachy Christians too, on the street corner with a megaphone and a pocket full of leaflets about eternal persecution in hell. If you’re like me, you will have Christian friends, you might even be Christian yourself, but you’ll cross over to the other side of the street to avoid the megaphone lot.
Christian vs. Bible Basher
It’s easy to make the distinction between ‘normal’ or socially acceptable Christians and Bible bashers.
I advise any single lady to include ‘Christian’ in her dating profile if she wants her religion to feature in her married life. If she’s using a dating app in the first place, most will presume she’s the socially acceptable type of Christian. Still believing, still walking with God, but not going to preach to you at every dinner for the next 25 years.
It’s easy to make the distinction between ‘normal’ or socially acceptable Christians and Bible bashers. The former live regular lives. They are equally likely to have a secular or a religious job. They are happy to discuss a variety of topics. They are most likely to have a mix of hobbies within their Church and outside of it. They have read more than just the ‘Good Book’ (the Bible).
They aren’t any less of a Christian because they are less annoying, in-fact by being a member of society, not being on the fringes with a megaphone, they are more likely to convert others to being ‘saved’. They can still ‘walk with God’, pray, follow the ten commandments, attend Church and be decent people to others, believers and non-believers.
This difference is so apparent to everyone in society, that I advise any single lady to include ‘Christian’ in her dating profile if she wants her religion to feature in her married life. If she’s using a dating app in the first place, most will presume she’s the socially acceptable type of Christian. Still believing, still walking with God, but not going to preach to you at every dinner for the next 25 years.
Don’t use the V word
Single vegan ladies do not get the same luxury. Unfortunately the word ‘vegan’ conjures up all kinds of negative connotations and associations.
Even if you’re wearing chic feminine clothes, guys may assume you only wear hippy or earth mother clothes. They’ll assume you’re low maintenance, don’t wash your hair and act like an eco-warrior at every opportunity.
Many men will see the V (vegan) word and just delete you without a second thought.
I’ve had ladies say that they don’t want to waste time dating non-vegan guys or men that would pre-judge them in this way anyway. I understand that sentiment but it doesn’t help you.
Instead it is best to accept online dating for what it is, an inferior substitute to meeting people in real life. Use it, but carefully and alongside going out and doing things. You will have much more success in dating if you get to a date quickly, a sparse profile, a few messages and boom! A date. As soon as you can. If one guy doesn’t offer a date, stop messaging him. Reply to others instead.
You see, once you’re finally in front of a man in a restaurant or coffee shop, he can see you’re flesh and blood. He can see you’re a real person. Any man is far less likely to be rude to you or make anti-vegan jokes to you when you’re face to face. Even less likely if you’re fully glammed up, he won’t believe his luck to be out with such a mysterious and beautiful woman. He’ll be wanting to impress you. The conversation will play out to “You’re a Vegan? Oh… let me check the menu for you”.
Note: If you are plant based (vegan for health reasons rather than for the animals) I would still avoid putting this in your dating profile unless you want to debate nutrition at every single one of your dates. Plant based is also seen as more malleable than veganism (as in your date might try to convince you to have a steak for the ‘health benefits’). Best to just avoid mentioning it until you need to.
My Core
Veganism is the most important thing about me. It defines my life, my moral compass, my devotion to compassion for all living things. Those living things include humans.
I can see that I might alienate a few people by mentioning my ethical code in my posts which are ostensibly about dating. I can see how some people might turn off and stop reading. I understand some view me as militant or even extreme.
It makes people uncomfortable to have their existing behaviours (eating meat, wearing leather) challenged by witnessing someone who abstains. I will leave it for you to decide how militant I am.
Do keep in your mind that most men (and women to a lesser extent) do not realise non-militant vegans exist. There’s a narrative perpetuated by the meat and dairy industry to paint us all as crazy and angry. Unable to have a dinner with an omnivore without preaching. When in reality, most marriages are mixed, composed of a vegan and an omni.
There is untold prejudice against vegans.
To give yourself the best chance in dating, don’t mention it until you’re in person and about to order food. Yes, that might mean you have a few dinner dates of salads and chips, but are you dating to meet the one or are you dating for the food? If it’s the food, why are you reading this blog?! Eat properly before you go out (porridge is a quick, filling meal) and plan nice meals out with your friends.
Men Can Cope
Most men who otherwise dislike veganism or religion can cope with a lady being vegan or Christian if she has enough other qualities they admire.
You might be raging here, a man can ‘cope’ with you when this blog is ostensibly about levelling up and never behaving in a doormat regarding men.
I’m not suggesting you ever apologise for being vegan or being religious.
I’m not suggesting you tone it down or ‘cheat’.
If you always pray at a certain time, if you always go to Church on Sunday, I’m not advocating you change that.
Of course I’m not suggesting you eat non-vegan food items to assuage your date’s nerves.
What I am suggesting is that you get to a face to face meeting before you have the discussion. Leave out ‘vegan’. Let the conversation unfold naturally, when you are just about to have food rather than forcing the topic. Similarly unless you live in the Bible belt, putting ‘Christian’ is probably a safer bet than ‘Saved’, ‘Jesus Saves’ or mentioning words like ‘saviour’ and ‘messiah’, although this does depend on your location.
Really think deeply about the life you would like in the future. Is it essential that your husband is a committed Christian too? Would it be sufficient if he attended Church with you and that your children went to Christian schools? Are you committed to only dating a vegan man and having a fully vegan home? Bear in mind, there aren’t that many Christian men and even fewer vegan men.
All is Not Lost!
While it is true you can never change another person, nor should you ever try, you can influence them.
If you’re going to social events at your Church and helping out in the church group soup kitchen, well, it would make sense for your husband to come along too, especially when he sees how much happiness it brings you.After a few weekends of staying home and being bored, he’ll come along.
It would make sense to only make one vegan meal at home that everyone can eat, rather than two separate meals with double the washing up. With the exception of allergies to certain foods, everyone can eat vegan meals (meat free Mondays anyone?) Most husbands can learn to cook vegan meals as well when it’s their turn to cook (although vegan baking is a truly skilled craft)
If you corner the guy you are dating (or corner your husband), if you preach and extoll the virtues of being Christian or vegan, then he will recoil into himself. No one wants to be told what to do or be lectured to. Especially in one’s own home, which should always be a sanctuary. He’ll withdraw.
You can’t change him. You can influence him. You do it by leading by example. You go to Church and are happy, you don’t break your routine of prayer, you prepare vegan meals and go to vegan restaurants. If the man is in love with you, he will want to play a part in whatever makes you happy. That goes beyond religion and veganism to anything in your life, he will want to do whatever he can to make you smile. I’m not saying he’ll have a conversion of faith or that he’ll become 100% vegan. But he will make steps towards you, he will meet you somewhere and as the years go by, he will get closer to you.
If this isn’t enough for you, if you can’t accept a man who will make steps towards you, then you must find a man who is already a practising Christian to your level or already vegan.
I’m not into the business of limiting beliefs but I do keep in touch with reality as well. This is most likely going to take much longer than finding a guy who is in love with you he will allow himself to be influenced by you.
If having an uncompromising Christian or vegan home is important to you, then you must understand the trade off. You’re going to have to date for longer, work harder and put more effort in. I’m not saying it can’t be done though.
Speciality Dating Apps
Use speciality apps. There are a few around Christian Mingle, Christian Connection, Vegan Dating although they tend to have less traffic than regular apps, they are still a worthwhile addition to your dating activity. Be on secular and non-vegan apps as well. Go to all the Church events you can (likewise for vegan events).
Sign up to your Church’s matrimonial list (and if they don’t have one, find a different Church that does, ones with many single congregants tend to have them). Go to different Churches and attend services at different times. Vegans aren’t organised in the same way to have a list, but I have found facebook groups for vegans looking to date.
Go out!
Be active in your community. Go to outings 3 times a week (if you’re over the age of 35 and want kids I’d advise going out 6 times a week). Remember you can stack outings, on a Saturday you could go to the gym, go to an art painting class and then meet friends in the evening. That’s 3 outings in one day. Be open-minded and realise you can meet guys anywhere.
Keep Going, Keep the Faith
Once you’ve decided the type of man you’re willing to accept, it is on you to keep showing up and keep the faith, even when you feel disheartened.
If you’d like to discuss any aspect of levelling up or feminine energy with me then please schedule an appointment, subscribe to my newsletter and check out my book, Feminine Energy 101.